


vienna waits for you

by mottainai



Series: Buddie soulmate AU [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bobby is Buck's father figure, Firefam Feels, Found Family, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Soulmate AU, apology food, eddie takes this and runs with it, i would like to apologize to buck, soldiers in the army get a tattoo that prohibits soulmate communication, soulmates to strangers to friends to lovers, this is what Eddie Begins did to me, what you write on you skin appears on your soulmate's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mottainai/pseuds/mottainai
Summary: Eddie doesn't deserve a soulmate.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie soulmate AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164812
Comments: 113
Kudos: 635
Collections: Buck and Eddie are Soulmates





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my first Buddie fic! I've liked this pair since season 2, but it's taken me a while to get some writing done! I'm a sucker for a soulmate au...
> 
> Enjoy!

Eddie is seven and in the middle of class when the crayon lines and paint smudges start to appear on his arms, legs, face. His classmates’ eyes grow large, and his teacher gives him a knowing smile and tells him that she will call a parent to come get him early. 

He is confused when his father takes one look at him and bursts into laughter. “Your soul twin seems quite clumsy.” He says. This just makes Eddie more confused. 

What follows is a serious conversation between men over a glass of juice and a cup of black coffee. Ramon tells Eddie that he’s special, because not everyone has what Eddie does. “The stars have seen that there is someone, somewhere is perfect for you,” He explains. “One day you will meet, but until then you can talk to each other like this.”

He tells Eddie that what he writes on his skin will appear on his soulmate’s for a day. The words have not even begun to fall to the floor before Eddie is up, digging through his backpack for a pen. It’s light blue with green dinosaurs on it. He brings the tip to his forearm, and waits. He can’t think of anything amazing to write. He writes  _ hello,  _ and the h is too big for the rest of the letters, and it doesn’t follow a nice line like it’s supposed to, but it’s there. 

He holds his breath and waits for an answer. His father chuckles at him again. “I think they might be too young to write back to you, Edmundo.” He says. “But if you feel something really good while you write, they’ll feel it too.” 

Eddie tries it, filling his heart with as much of a welcome as he could before he thought it would burst, and adds an exclamation mark to the end. 

“There is one important rule, Edmundo,” Ramon tells him. “You can never tell them your name before you meet. It’s bad luck.” 

Eddie nods, but his eyes stay trained on the pen ink amongst the crayon and paint stains. He has a soulmate. He can’t wait to meet them.

* * *

Eddie is eleven when his soulmate begins to write back. He is up in his room, practicing spinning a basketball on one finger when his palm begins to tingle. A bundle of spinning excitement that doesn’t belong to him weaves itself through his ribs. He drops the basketball, curls open his hand. There, nestled in his palm, is  _ hello,  _ a response four years late. 

He scrambles for a pen.  _ hi,  _ he writes, trying to push as much happy into the two letters as possible. 

His soulmate writes slowly, each line wobbly but earnest -  _ im e _ -

_ Don’t tell me your name!  _ Eddie scribbles quickly before they can get another letter out.  _ It’s bad luck.  _

They don’t reply, and Eddie realizes that he was maybe being too mean.  _ Sorry,  _ he writes, trying to send the same feeling,  _ my dad told me that its very important. _

_ that’s okay. _

* * *

Eddie is sixteen, and his soulmate’s handwriting fills his skin unapologetically. Jokes that start punch-line first, errant trains of thought wrapping around his wrist and lists of self-reminders that makes Eddie snort in the quiet silence of his study period. Eddie’s replies are smaller and more measured, but no less enthusiastic. 

His unbonded classmates either look at the writing in awe, envy, or a mixture of both. It’s a division, the unbonded sneering at the bonded who retort back that the unbonded are just jealous. Eddie hates it. He especially hates that this is something he can’t share with his sisters, who have now resigned themselves to knowing they won’t wake up one day with their soulmate’s writing over the back of their hands. It’s an awkward topic in the house because they don’t want to resent him, and Eddie doesn’t want to shove his soulmate in their faces. So he keeps his knowledge of his soulmate to himself like a box of private things under a bed.

He knows these things: his soulmate is four years and eight months younger than him, their favorite color is blue, they want to play lacrosse when they’re old enough, and they hate long car rides. He also knows some things his soulmate doesn’t tell him, like their trouble with spelling, or that they’re trying to train themselves to be ambidextrous.

One night, Eddie is watching tv with his sisters when he feels a tell-tale prickle on his left hip and a shuffle of shyness in his heart. He lifts his shirt to see. Sophia raises an eyebrow at him, and Adriana carefully doesn’t look at all.

_ I’m a boy, and I think you are one too.  _ The script is small and written sideways. A spot easy to hide.

Eddie isn’t surprised. He has thought much the same, and while the idea didn’t settle well with him at first, a long talk with his parents about how soulmates are not made by accident made him see things clearly. Some people have simply platonic soulmates, but- Eddie could feel this was something deeper, even if he can’t fully describe it. His soulmate is made for him just as he is made for them -him. 

_ I am,  _ he replies.  ~~_ Does that b _ ~~ _ How do you feel about that?  _ Eddie finishes, trying to send through a wave of calm to his soulmate. 

The reply comes quickly, neatly underneath.  _ I’m okay with it. But _

Eddie waits patiently for the sentence to finish. He can taste his soulmate’s nervousness in the back of his throat and doesn’t want to rush him. 

_ But I don’t think I should tell my dad. _

Eddie’s blood runs cold, his brain jumping in ten different directions at once. What kind of person was his soulmate’s father?

“Are you okay?” Sophia asks, reaching to turn the volume down. “Is something wrong?”

Eddie wants to tell them, wants to have a reasonable voice in his ear urging him to think rationally, but he doesn’t want this to be another reminder of what they don’t have. “I’m fine.” He says. “Everything’s fine.”

_ Do you want to talk about it?  _ He asks.

_ No.  _ Comes the reply.  _ Not now. _

_ That’s okay.  _ Eddie writes back.  _ If you ever do I’m literally always here. _

_ Thanks.  _ He feels happier now, and that will have to be enough for Eddie.

Eddie checks the time. It’s a little after eleven.  _ You should get some sleep,  _ he reminds his soulmate gently.

_ Yeah, I will.  _ He replies.  _ goodnight. _

_ Goodnight.  _ Eddie writes back, throwing the pen to the side and letting his shirt fall back down. He hopes his fears are just overreactions.

* * *

Eddie is seventeen when he ducks out of the family’s Christmas lunch to write a quick message to his soulmate. He closes the downstairs bathroom door, so he’s out of sight from the kitchen. He rolls his sweater sleeve up, taking out the pen he had pocketed from the living room. He isn’t ashamed of talking to his soulmate, but this is… private.

_ Merry Christmas,  _ he starts, pushing something warm and soft into the bond.  _ I hope you have a great day. _

The reply doesn’t take very long to arrive.  _ Merry Christmas to you too! How’s the day going? _

_ Pretty good, heaps of family and food, how about you?  _ He glances up at the mirror and realizes he’s smiling.

_ It’s great! So many things are happening.  _ His soulmate writes back.  _ My sister brought her soulmate, and he just proposed to her this morning. _

_ Oh wow,  _ Eddie replies.  _ They must have found each other quite young.  _

_ Yeah they did, although she’s a lot older than me.  _ He explains.  _ But also because they never did the whole no names thing. He thinks the whole writing thing is annoying so they’ve been texting forever and he made a surprise road trip here a couple years ago. It’s been happily ever after since then. _

Eddie swallows. He hopes his soulmate doesn’t resent him for keeping to tradition.  _ She must be pretty happy. _

_ I think so.  _

Eddie’s not sure if he’s reading too much into it, but it sounds a little bitter.  _ Are you upset that we haven’t done something like that?  _ He broaches carefully.

_ It just seems easier, you know?  _ His soulmate starts, and Eddie can tell he’s feeling awkward about bringing it up.  _ Some pairs take years to find each other this way… Don’t you think that’s wasted time? _

Eddie knows where his soulmate is coming from, he does. He has a good point. But never in his life had his father ever looked at him so sternly when he first told Eddie of never sharing your name with your soulmate until you meet.  _ We’re both young, still, so we haven’t lived much life to waste yet, yeah?  _ He begins, choosing his words and emotions carefully.  _ But we can have a promise. Let’s say if we haven’t met this way before your 25th birthday, we tell each other our names then?  _ His mother had told him compromise was one of the most important things in any relationship.

_ That’s still a long time. _

_ I know,  _ he concedes.  _ But that’s the absolute maximum. You never know, we could meet tomorrow. _

_ Yeah, okay.  _ His soulmate replies.  _ I’ll see you tomorrow. _

Eddie can’t help but laugh, leaning there against the kitchen sink with the muffled sound of the entire Diaz clan seeping in under the door.  _ I’ll see you tomorrow.  _

* * *

Eddie is eighteen when he wakes to an indescribable, suffocating grip of pain and grief around his chest. He gasps, half rolling out of bed as he blindly searches for the bedside light. He feels ready to start sobbing and has no idea why until he can detangle his thoughts from his emotions enough to realize the feeling is coming from his soulmate, not him. 

The pain begins to fade, and Eddie kicks the covers off his legs, frantically searching for what his soulmate just wrote. He finds the message easily, four letters nestled in the crook of his left elbow: 

_ help _

It was the same spot the nurse had drawn blood from a week ago. Eddie can’t figure out why his brain made that connection. He reaches for the pen he always keeps at his bedside table.

_ I’m here.  _ Eddie writes,  _ What can I do? _

The next message prickles at his thigh, that awful pain returning again, and Eddie scrambles to bring the writing into the light.  _ I want to think about something else. Please. _

Eddie’s mind goes blank for one terrifying second, but then he’s writing at a breakneck pace:  _ the other day my sister told me about the luckiest man in the world,  _ he writes.  _ he nearly died seven times. _

_ I don’t know if we have the same definition of lucky,  _ his soulmate replies.

Eddie bit his lip, trying to send through a wave of calm.  _ From memory, he was in a train that flipped off the tracks into a lake. Someone saved him. Then, the first time he flew on a plane, he fell out of the cabin and the plane crashed after. He was in three car accidents after that, was hit by a bus, and then was in another car accident. _

This time, when his soulmate replies, Eddie thinks the pain is receding.  _ It sounds like he had bad luck and was also a bad driver. _

_ Every time, it seemed like he was going to die, but then he survived. Miracle, one in a thousand chances. Seven times.  _ Eddie felt kinda stupid, but he hoped it was working.  _ and you won’t believe what happened to him after all that. _

_ He died of old age? _

_ He won the lottery. _

_ You’ve got to be shitting me.  _ Eddie lets himself smile when he feels the first glimmer of happiness rebound back at him through the bond.

_ I’m not, I swear. You can look it up. _

The reply comes a minute later, his soulmate obviously taking some time to search the internet.  _ That’s crazy. Though I guess if you nearly die seven times you deserve to win the lottery. _

_ Yeah,  _ Eddie agrees.  _ How are you feeling? _

_ Better now. _

* * *

Eddie is eighteen when he enlists for the Army. 

His parents want him to go to college, get on track for some steady and incredibly boring office job, but Eddie is adamant. He’s already wasted so many years of his life inside a classroom, so why should he sign up for more?

The Army holds a solid, dependable future. Eddie will be able to make a difference with his own hands rather than churning out essays living off energy drinks and noodles. 

He wins the argument by pointing out that in a few years, if he does realize he wants to go to college, then the Army will help pay for it. He doesn’t think he actually will, but he knows it gives his parents hope. 

He hasn’t told his soulmate yet. He doesn’t know how they’ll react, but he fears the worst. Being the soulmate to a soldier is- difficult.

When a soldier leaves on tour, if they have a soulmate, procedure requires a suppression of communication order, a tattoo stamped on his skin for the duration of his tours. It’s a warning; so that the soulmate knows they are prohibited from writing anything that might distract the soldier or give away any information during capture. It’s also a sign of hope because as long as that tattoo remains, their soulmate can know that they’re alive. When a soldier retires from duty most have it removed, only a scar left to show evidence of tougher times conquered. 

Eddie’s choice won’t only affect his life, but it’ll deny his soulmate the right to talk to him. 

His soulmate is still young, and they aren’t ready for anything to be serious between them yet. Maybe the time Eddie’s on tour will allow his soulmate to grow, be independent without Eddie. Someone strong, who’ll wait for him to get back.

Three days before his high school graduation, Eddie is hanging out with his friends by the river, with a bonfire lit and illegal cold beers in their hands. He’s just this side of dizzy when he feels the prickling begin, running down his shin bone. 

He almost thinks it’s just part of the alcohol working, but he looks down and- yeah, that’s his soulmate’s scrawl appearing down his leg. His friends, all further gone than he is, whoop and cheer as they watch the message unfold.

_ You must be graduating around now, right? I just wanted to say congrats! _

Eddie digs in his pocket, not entirely surprised when he finds a pen there. It’s second nature, like remembering to bring his phone and keys.  _ I am,  _ he writes back.  _ And thanks, I’m glad to be done with high school. _

The reply comes back quickly.  _ I bet you got heaps of college offers, right? You thinking of staying in state or moving? _

Eddie stills. If he said he was going to college, his soulmate would only find out he had lied later on when the tattoo appeared on his skin, and that would be a pretty shitty thing to do. _I didn’t._ He replies, shifting so his friends can’t see the conversation anymore. ~~_I’m actually_~~ _I’ve enlisted with the Army._

This time, his soulmate doesn’t write back quickly, and Eddie’s stomach is churning as he waits. He drinks some water. 

_ Oh.  _ His soulmate writes eventually.  _ Right. _

_ I’m sorry.  _ Eddie bites his lip. How can he make this better?  _ I know it’s a lot to take in. _

_ When were you going to tell me?  _

Eddie can feel the hurt like it’s his own.  _ I don’t know. I didn’t know how to tell you. _

_ I guess I know now, don’t I?  _ He replies, the letters haphazard and jagged.  _ When are you going? _

_ Basic training starts after the summer,  _ Eddie writes back.  _ Then there’s usually a bit of leave before the first tour. _

_ The first? How many are you planning on doing? _

_ I don’t know. I don’t- _ His friends are all yelling about something around the fire, but Eddie feels incredibly sober.  _ I don’t really have any plans. I’m just going to see how I go. _

_ Did you-  _ His soulmate stops.  _ Did you think about what it would do to me? _

_ I did. _

_ But it wasn’t enough? _

_ I’m sorry. _

His soulmate doesn’t reply for long enough that Eddie thinks that he isn’t going to. But then, finally:  _ I’m not going to try and change your mind, but I need some time. _

_ Okay.  _ Eddie replies, because he doesn’t know what else to say.  _ Let me know when you want to talk. _

* * *

Eddie is nineteen when he meets Shannon, just as summer is melting away. She’s unbonded, and doesn’t mind that he is. And Eddie, well. Eddie is nineteen, and his soulmate has just turned fifteen. They haven’t talked about seeing other people until they meet each other, but plenty of bonded people did. Right now, Eddie knew he loved his soulmate in a protective sense. But the age gap made his stomach turn thinking of anything further. They both needed some time to grow up, in different ways. 

Shannon sparks humor into any dull situation. She’s fun to be around, and never holds back on a jab with him and his friends. She beats him at all the arcade games but he doesn’t mind. She’s the first person to give him a handjob in the back row of a movie theatre. She kisses him wherever, whenever, with no thought to who can see and what they might think. She waits for him to come back from basic training

His friends love her. His sisters warn him that it probably won’t end well. His parents see it as a betrayal of his soulmate. 

They found each other naturally in high school, a story Eddie knows well. His mother had been caught in the rain, running to the library. His father spotted her, soaking wet and miserable, and held the door open for her. She had seen the same good morning message she had written just that morning on the inside of his wrist, and it had been happily ever after from there. They had been lucky enough to never be put in Eddie’s situation, so there was no way they could understand.

Eddie doesn’t check his soulmate’s messages when he’s with Shannon. It’s rude, to continually remind her that even though she has him now, he belongs to someone else. 

So when he has Shannon in his arms on a sunny Tuesday afternoon and he feels that familiar prickle across his ribs, followed by a rush of giddiness from his soulmate, he ignores it. 

He’s in that precious time between basic training and his specialized training to become a medic. Shannon had dragged him out to a grassy hill with a supermarket bag full of snacks and beer. It was nice. He waits for the prickle to fade before propping himself up with an elbow, placing a kiss on Shannon’s lips.

It’s not until he gets home later that he shuts himself in his bedroom, lifting his shirt to see what his soulmate had written.

_ Just got my exam results back! They’re better than expected, even my dad is happy.  _

Eddie picks up the pen on his bedside table, trying to find a comfortable angle to write at.  _ That’s great! I’m proud of you. _

He waits for a reply, but when one doesn’t come, he frowns. His soulmate usually replies pretty quickly. Eddie supposes he deserves it, though. His soulmate is just giving him a taste of his own medicine, after all.

* * *

Eddie is nineteen when he’s assigned his first tour of duty. That means that it’s time to say goodbye to his soulmate, just for now. 

He’s shown to a small room painted cream, another door facing the one he’s just come through, and a soft grey couch along one wall. The only other piece of furniture in the room is a small table, a single black pen resting on its surface.

Eddie doesn’t need it. He’s brought his own blue pen with him, in his pocket as always. 

_ I’m here.  _ Eddie writes.  _ This is it, then.  _

His soulmate must have been waiting, because the reply comes almost immediately.

_ Okay.  _ He writes.  _ Just- be safe, okay? You’ve got to come back. _

Eddie swallows. He wants to promise his soulmate everything in the world, but he doesn’t want it to turn out to be a lie.  _ I’ll try. I promise I’ll try. _

_ I guess that’ll have to be good enough.  _ Eddie can taste the resignation on the roof of his mouth like it’s his own. 

_ The first tour should only last nine months.  _ Eddie replies, trying to push calm through the bond.  _ I’ll write to you when I’m on leave. _

_ I’ll be waiting for you. _

Eddie blinks, hard and fast.  _ Enjoy high school, yeah? You don’t get these years back. _

_ You sound like an old man. _

_ I mean it.  _ Eddie replies.  _ I know it sounds corny but it’s true. _

_ Alright old man. I’ll enjoy high school if you don’t get yourself killed in Afghanistan. Deal? _

Eddie sighs, but he knows that a good soldier knows when to pick his battles.  _ You’ve got a deal.  _ There’s a knock on the door, polite but stern.  _ It’s time for me to go. _

_ Okay.  _ His soulmate writes.  _ Come back soon. I want to meet you. _

_ I want to meet you too.  _

Eddie stands, and exits through the other door. On the other side is a padded chair like a dentist’s and an officer, dressed in fatigues with a light smile on his face. 

“Diaz?” He asks.

Eddie nods. “That’s me.”

The officer holds out a hand, and Eddie shakes it. “Nice to meet you, I’m Monroe.” He says, dropping down into the swivel chair beside him, pulling the tattoo gun closer. “So we’ll be putting the tattoo at the top of your non-dominant forearm…”

Munroe guides him through the stencil process, then instructs him how to fit his can into the specially designed cavity in the tattoo gun. Normally, tattoos wouldn’t show up on a soulmate’s skin because the person wasn’t actively drawing it themself. The Army had managed to circumvent the problem by designing a tattoo gun that the soldier can hold while the artist stamps their skin with ink; it’s enough to convince the bond. 

The tattoo begins and Eddie feels the bond open up, his soulmate’s feelings washing over him for the last time in what may be a while. He’s apprehensive, but not trying to let it show, pushing support through the bond like a hand holding Eddie’s own. Eddie feeds back something warm and soft like a thank you. 

It’s not a complicated tattoo, and Munroe has obviously done many before. He doesn’t talk to Eddie, like he knows an artist would usually do, doesn’t ask if Eddie has said his goodbyes. For that, Eddie is grateful.

There are only a few lines of the tattoo left when Eddie feels a tickle on his left ankle. His leg jumps in response, but he can’t see what his soulmate is writing, his ankle covered by his black regulation boots. 

Munroe leans back. “And that’s it.” He says simply, gently pulling Eddie’s hand from the machine and disposing of the needle. “I’m going to wrap it now, and you’ve got to be careful not to get it too wet, but otherwise, we’re done here, soldier.”

There, on his arm, it says _Order of Communication Suppression. Do not contact through bond._ What it means is _Property of the U.S. Army._

Eddie nods his way through the explanation, and thanks him. It’s morning, and he still has a few last-minute drills to run through with his team. 

It’s not until later that Eddie can perch himself on his bunk in the dark, peeling back his sock to reveal what his soulmate wrote him. The five small words run along his Achilles tendon, just visible in the light from his phone screen.

_ I want to love you. _

* * *

Eddie is twenty when he returns from his first tour and falls almost immediately into Shannon’s bed. 

Not being able to speak to his soulmate during the last nine months has meant that his primary outside contact has been Shannon via video call. It’s been keeping him sane.

Afghanistan is what he thought it would be like and not at the same time. He had expected the vast reaches of grey sand and rock, the noise, the freezing night. He hadn’t expected how civilian children would look at him, or the carnage that would follow a roadside IED.

There are some things that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget. 

Shannon is asleep, but he’s propped up against the headboard, pen in hand, trying to find space to answer his soulmate’s many questions. 

_ Were you okay? Did you get injured? _

_ No,  _ he replies.  _ Well, not really. _

_ What’s that supposed to mean?  _

Eddie almost laughs at the sharp tone his soulmate manages to push through the bond. He can tell that they’ll get along with his mother well.  _ Not seriously enough to need medical attention more sophisticated than my own.  _ He promises.  _ How’s school going?  _

There’s a pause. Eddie can tell that his soulmate is stewing over the appropriate response.  _ It’s okay, I guess.  _

Eddie frowns. Something’s got to be wrong.  _ Are you okay? _

_ Probably.  _ A pause, not long enough for Eddie to start on a reply.  _ Wait, that sounds so emo. I don’t know, really. I think I just really want to get out of my hometown. _

_ Yeah? Why’s that? _

His soulmate takes a long time to respond, but Eddie is okay with waiting.

_ Everyone’s leaving me behind, I guess. I want to be able to leave too. _

_ Do you feel like I’m leaving you behind?  _ Eddie asks, dread sitting in the bottom of his stomach like a rock. 

_ I know you’re coming back, so it’s not so bad. But my sister is long gone. We don’t talk at all, anymore. And my mom  _ ~~_gave up on_ _doesn’t care_~~ _ has left too. It’s just me and my dad, now, and that’s not fun. _

Eddie has never hated a man as much as he hates his soulmate’s father. His soulmate has never said it directly, but Eddie can put the pieces together well enough to guess something more is going on. 

If he knew his soulmate’s name, he could call the police, ask them to do a routine walk-through or something. But he doesn’t, and Eddie feels powerless. He wants to help, but his soulmate is prickly enough about the situation that Eddie can’t get him to admit there’s anything happening at all.

_ I’m sorry it’s like that, is it possible to stay with friends more? _

_ Nah, I can’t stay with friends during the school term. House rule.  _

Eddie catches himself grinding his teeth.  _ Well, you have me. _

_ For now. _

* * *

Eddie is twenty and on his second tour in Afghanistan when Shannon calls to tell him that she’s pregnant. 

Sitting there, on a dusty bench with a trail of drying sweat running down his back, Eddie witnesses his whole world dissolve around him.

This is not how it’s meant to go. Eddie likes Shannon, but- he had never imagined it would end up like this. 

He’s always been counting on the day he met his soulmate. 

Eddie takes emergency family leave. He doesn’t sleep at all on the plane ride back. 

His parents pick him up from the base, and they must already know, because they don’t say a word. They take him straight home. 

“Go sit in the kitchen, Edmundo.” Helena says. Edmundo, she calls him. Not Eddie. Not mijo. 

Eddie is twenty years old, and he does exactly as he is told, sinking down into a wooden chair, wringing his fingers together.

His mother comes into the kitchen alone, a small black velvet box in her hands. She pauses for a moment, her stern gaze weighing him down. She sighs, sits down across from him, and slides the box across the table.

Eddie knows what it is, but he takes the box into his hands anyway, opening it up to reveal his mother’s abuela’s wedding ring.

“You will take this,” She says steadily. “And you will marry that girl, because it is the right thing to do. You have made this path for yourself, so you must walk it.”

Eddie doesn’t remember what he tells her, doesn’t know if he replies at all. He’s driving to Shannon’s place, the little black velvet box on the passenger side seat. 

He thinks about his soulmate. 

What does he tell him? That he has been seeing a girl without telling him and now he’s going to marry her? That Eddie has failed him like just about every other person in his life?

His soulmate deserves more than Eddie. He deserves someone who can hold him tenderly, like he’s the only person in the whole world. Someone without cracks. Someone who is not married with a kid.

Eddie is twenty years old when he decides it’s better if he stops writing to his soulmate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you still love your soulmate?” Buck asks quietly, head leaning against the window.  
> Eddie doesn’t have to pause to think. “I do,” He replies, just as quietly.  
> “Do you think she’ll come back for you and Chris?”  
> Eddie almost flinches. He’s never said that Shannon is his soulmate, but- it makes things easier, for Buck to believe that. Eddie’s ashamed enough of his actions, and he doesn’t want to know how Buck would look at him if he knew. It’s easier this way, and Eddie is a coward.   
> “I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it was Eddie Begins that made me start this fic, then it's the anticipation for Buck Begins that is making me finish it. Happy clowning season to all my Buddie stans <3.  
> I'm sorry this took so long! Things happened, and I had trouble with integrating canon scenes into my writing, because it always seems so repetitive to me because those scenes are already in the show. Instead, I've written in and around canon.  
> One major difference in this fic is that Shannon just. Doesn't come back. Eddie is able to get Chris into the cool school without the family interview. It's not that I hate Shannon's character or anything, and I think the added dynamic/tension would have been interesting in this fic, but I wanted to focus more on Buck's internal conflict through Eddie's eyes.   
> Happy reading!

“So, you were in the Army?” Robert Nash asks. 

Eddie nods, resisting the urge to tug down the uniform’s short sleeve. His tattoo was nothing to be ashamed of. “Yes, sir.”

His new captain nods, sitting back in his chair. He’s a hard man to read. “And you never got the tattoo removed? I understand most people do.”

“My soulmate and I haven’t communicated in that way in a long time,” Eddie replies, shrugging. He’s become an expert in not quite lying. “It didn’t seem necessary.” 

“Sorry for grilling you, it’s just, that tattoo-” Nash sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “It’s a sore spot for one of our firefighters here. I’ll have a word with him first so we don’t have too many problems.”

Eddie frowns. “Someone’s anti-military?”

“Something like that,” Nash grimaces in a way that tells Eddie that he won’t hear more of the matter from him. “Let’s move on. I’m sure you’re aware of the probationary period for new firefighters-”

* * *

Eddie doesn’t need long to figure out who in the team has the problem with his tattoo. He can practically feel the weight of Evan Buckley’s grimace from across the weights room. 

He doesn’t get it. What did he ever do to him? 

Eddie may have only just met him, but he already understands that Evan Buckley is a man that lives vividly, in everything that he does. Including hating Eddie. 

The first meeting hadn’t gone well, the other man’s gaze almost immediately locking onto his tattoo, jaw grinding. They’d shaken hands, but Buckley had refused to meet his eyes. Now, he was putting a great deal of effort into appearing like Eddie’s presence had no effect on him while he was really watching him like a guard dog. 

Eddie doesn’t really know what to make of him. Around the others, Buckley practically lights up, beaming as he messes around. He smiles big, and often, but only when Eddie isn’t in his line of sight. The rest of the firehouse treats him like a younger brother. Despite the Los Angeles summer heat, he’s wearing a long-sleeved muscle shirt beneath his uniform, a blatant disregard for regulation. Eddie can’t figure him out.

The bench creaks as another member of the 118 sits down beside him. They met before, he’s the one with the unexplained nickname - Chimney. He sighs, nudging his head in Buckley’s direction. “Give him some time.” He says, raking a hand through his hair. “It’s not really about you.”

“It’s about the tattoo.” Eddie guesses, subconsciously turning his arm so it is out of gaze. 

Chimney sighs. “Yeah,” He agrees. “It’s about the tattoo.”

The confirmation sends a puff of air from his lungs. “What’s his problem?” 

Chim chews the inside of his lip and Eddie is reminded once again that he is an outsider here. “He has the same one,” Chimney says finally. “Through a soul bond.” 

Eddie frowns. “So he’s what? Missing his soulmate and taking it out on me?”

The other man is already shaking his head. “It’s- it’s complicated.” He leans just a little closer, voice dropping even though Buckley is definitely too far away to hear what they’re saying. “It’s just a sore spot for him, okay? But don’t worry, the kid knows that every firefighter here is family. He’ll come around, even if Hen and I have to drag him.” 

Eddie smiles at him, not really believing it. “Thanks, man.”

* * *

Turns out, Eddie has never been so grateful to have a patient with a live grenade embedded inside their body, because now Buckley  _ -Buck- _ looks him in the eyes. 

After, they’re standing side by side, looking on at the charred remains of the ambulance. Eddie clears his throat. “So are we, uh- are we good?” He asks awkwardly, his tattooed arm twitching in an aborted movement. 

“I-” Buck shifts, turning to look at him fully. “Yeah, man, we’re good. I’m sorry for putting you through so much grief.” 

Eddie nods. “Good, just- I know that I don’t understand, but- I’m sorry too.”

Buck lets out a breath and nods. “I appreciate that, man.” He gives Eddie a lopsided smile. There’s a smudge of soot on his face and his hair is disheveled, but he still looks… 

Eddie buries the thought.

* * *

_ “And Christopher? How’s my best nephew?”  _ Sophia asks, her blurry webcam image stuttering.

“He’s your only nephew,” Eddie points out. “And he’s doing good. It’s been nice for him to spend more time with Abuela and Peppa.”

_ “I’m sure, though I can’t say that we don’t miss both of you in El Paso.” _

Eddie sighs. “We miss you all too, but- we really needed a fresh start. The school year starts in a month, and there are so many great schools to choose from in LA.”

Sophia nods.  _ “There are great schools and you get to escape the memory of Shannon.” _

He winces. “Yeah.” He admits.

_ “Have you- I don’t want to poke a sore sport but-”  _ She breaks off, sighing. _ “-have you reconnected with your soulmate since she left?” _

Eddie swallows. “I, uh-” He’s built a wall in his mind to block off thinking about his soulmate. Now, after so long, the question hits him like a blow to the chest. “No, I haven’t.”

_ “I know that I don’t understand, or whatever, but- aren’t you free now?”  _ The image is pixelated, but Eddie’s memory of Sohpia’s concerned face is more than enough to fill in the blanks. 

“It’s better for him, this way.” Eddie states. “My soulmate must be in the prime of their life right now, they don’t need a single dad. I- I’m not what they want.”

_ “Edmundo, I know you never talked about it because you didn’t want to hurt Adriana and I, but we could see. You used to spend hours talking to him, and you got this look on your face like you were holding something precious in your hands. Why would you deny yourself that?” _

Eddie rubs a hand over his face. “I was a very different person, then. I’m sure my soulmate is different now too. It’s too late to change anything, Sohpia. We are three siblings without soulmates.”

_ “Don’t you dare insult me like that.”  _ Sophia spits.  _ “You can’t just decide you don’t have a soulmate! Adriana used to cry herself to sleep wishing she had what you do. You were given a gift, Edmundo, and now you throw it away?” _

“Yes,” He gritted out. “I have.”

Sophia sighed.  _ “There’s a gift for Christopher in the mail. Tell him I hope he likes it.” _

Then she hung up. Eddie set his phone down and dropped his head to the table. That could have gone better.

* * *

Eddie doesn’t know why he has been so nervous about introducing Christopher to the 118. They all adore him, and none more than Buck himself. 

Buck had said he was good with kids, but- he’s really good with kids, and he’s really good with Christopher. Eddie can’t count the number of times he has had to give other adults a rundown of Chris’ CP before they feel like it’s safe to touch him. Buck does no such thing, treating Chris just like any other kid, giving him space to be independent on his own strength. When Chris needs help getting into the cab of the fire engine, Buck lifts him up like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

Chris hasn’t stopped grinning maniacally. Buck sits beside him, presumably showing Chris all the different dials. They seem to be having a serious conversation as to whether they’re as high up as they would be riding a dinosaur.

“The running theory is that Buck is so good with kids because he’s still one at heart.” Hen says in his ear, causing Eddie to jump in place. 

“No kidding.” He chuckles. “Is he always like this?” 

Hen snorts. “You should have seen him when he took his first school group on a tour of the station. He had those kids so hyped up that they had the time of their life, but their teacher was not impressed.”

Eddie laughs. “I can imagine.”

“You know, you should bring Chris over some time to play with Denny, I think they’ll get on like a house on fire.”

Eddie couldn’t have stopped the grin on his face if he tried. This is a door opening. He realizes that Los Angeles isn’t just a place he’s moved to, but a home. 

The resulting conversation hashing out the details is interrupted by the horn of the fire engine. Looking up, he sees two identical expressions of mollification. Christopher raises a hand, pointing his finger at Buck, who gasps, pointing his own finger back at Chris. Christopher erupts into an avalanche of giggles wiggling and shaking his head. 

Bobby rolls his eyes and turns away like this happens every other week. Eddie doesn’t miss the way that his lips turn up when his back is to Buck. 

Eddie has never been so glad to be a part of the 118.

* * *

Eddie doesn’t think that it’s right to promise anything to a civilian when they respond to a scene. 

Maybe it’s a hangover from the bone-chilling realities he had witnessed in Afghanistan, or maybe he would’ve felt the same way regardless. 

They’re responding to a car that’s skidded off a hillside road, perched precariously on a steep cliff. A young couple, the woman sobbing desperately, her husband unconscious. It looks like his legs are crushed in the driver’s footwell. Strewn about in the backseat are two tennis rackets, two pairs of hiking boots, and one baby’s onesie, the tags still on. 

Eddie meets Buck’s eyes through the car windows. It’s not looking good. “Ma’am,” He begins calmly. “Are you pregnant?” 

Choking on her tears, the woman nods, her hand fluttering on the man’s arm. They are covered in each other’s handwriting. Soulmates. 

From the way Buck’s jaw tightens Eddie knows that he has noticed them too. The original plan had been for them to rappel down and extract both occupants at the same time. The car is creaking, wobbling slightly in the wind. There is no telling when it will fall, and removing a person’s weight from one side could tip the balance. 

Eddie reports the new information to Bobby through the radio. “Eddie, take out the woman first.” He advises, “Buck, work to extract the man, but-”

Bobby broke off like he doesn’t want to continue the sentence. Eddie doesn’t want to hear it, either.

“Ma’am, can you tell me your name?” He asks.

“Lucy.”

“Alright, Lucy, let’s get you out of here.”

The passenger side door opens when he tries it, but he can see that Buck doesn’t have the same luck, calling for the jaws of life. Eddie gives Lucy a quick check over. She has cuts on her face and arms from the broken windshield, but her eyes are alert and she has no problem moving her feet when he asks. He unbuckles her seatbelt. “Lucy, I want you to put your left arm around my shoulders, and hold on as tight as you can, can you do that?”

She nods, reaching out to him, hands shaking.

Eddie is about to radio up to Chim to start the winch when Lucy suddenly whirls around, to where Buck is straining to shift open the driver’s door. “Wait,” She says, chest stuttering up and down, without rhythm or control. “Tell me that you can get him out. Promise me you’ll bring my soulmate back to me, or I’m not going.”

Eddie stills, eyes traveling over to Buck, arms grasping the woman.  _ Don’t,  _ he wants to say.  _ I’m getting her out no matter what, you don’t have to- _

“I promise.” 

Eddie feels his stomach drop out. He’s seen Buck joke around, the lightness he has when he plays with Christopher. This is a different Buck, someone serious with a hard gaze. Lucy nods, and Eddie is able to extract her without further problem, handing her off to Hen. 

He heads back down, just in time to see Buck wedge the jaws of life in between the door and the frame of the car. His face is set, determined. Eddie honestly doesn’t know how this will end, and he doesn’t know what he can say to Buck if it ends badly. 

The door springs open and the car lurches further down the steep hillside. Buck reaches out, gripping onto the frame of the car like he can stop it from falling. It settles, but only just. Eddie has a feeling like it’s not done falling yet.

Buck still hasn’t let go of the car. “Let go, Buck!” Eddie yells, moving closer to him. “You can’t stop the car from falling, and your line will snap when it does!”   
Buck looks at him, something wild in his eyes. “You’ve got to help me get him out, Eddie.” He pleads.

_ Joder.  _

Grimly, he nods, checking the patient's pulse. It’s weak, but it’s not like they were working with a lot of time to begin with. Buck stabs the footwell with the jaws, desperately trying to open up some space. Distantly, he is aware of Bobby’s voice through the radio, tone tense and serious, but he disregards the words.

Something must be shining upon them because the driver's console cracks and just enough space is created that Eddie is able to drag the man’s legs free. But Buck doesn’t celebrate, not yet, too focussed on getting the man strapped into the backboard. They’ve just begun to guide the board to safety when, with a deep groan, the car slips and tumbles down into the valley far below. 

Bobby is shaking his head at them as they return to flat ground, exasperated and not surprised. Hen and Chim quickly take over from them, preparing emergency splints for the man’s legs. Lucy catches Buck’s arm, pulling him a couple of steps away to say something to him. Eddie looks away. It’s not his place.

Soon, he hears her return to her husband’s side, pleading for her soulmate to wake up. Eddie half turns, trying to make looking back at Buck seem like a casual action. There’s something Eddie can’t quite describe, some urging in his brain that he needs to confirm that Buck is okay. 

Buck is looking distantly over the valley, but as Eddie watches, his eyelids slip closed. His lips shape some voiceless words that Eddie can’t interpret. Somehow, Eddie just  _ knows.  _

Knows that Buck is thinking about his soulmate.

* * *

It’s nine at night, Maddie and Chimney safely tucked in hospital beds when Bobby takes Eddie by the arm and asks him to take Buck home. “He’ll listen to you.” He says. He doesn’t elaborate. 

Eddie enters Maddie’s hospital room. The lights are out, illumination only provided by the red neon sign for the Chinese restaurant across the street. The heart monitor beeps, steady and slow. The figure in the bedside table is still, but Eddie knows Buck is awake. 

In Afghanistan, there had been times of uneasy anticipation. Knowing that something would happen, but all you can do is wait for it. Eddie recognizes a similar taste of anxiety in the air now. 

He approaches slowly, lifting a hand through Buck’s field of vision to his shoulder so he won’t surprise him. “She’s safe.” He tells him softly. “He’s gone. He can’t hurt her now.”

Buck doesn’t say anything, but the way his breathing stutters lets Eddie know that he heard him. He tries again. “All she needs to do is rest and heal. You can’t speed that up, Buck. You need to rest, too. You can come back in the morning when she’s awake and talk to her.” 

Buck swallows, lips parting. Eddie waits patiently. Finally, he says: “They were soulmates.”

Eddie’s heart twists. On the bed, Maddie’s bruised face doesn’t move, and she looks the most peaceful he’s ever seen her. He hasn’t known her for long, but he’s never been so glad that a man like Doug is dead. She is free, not only from her abuser, but also from the one person who was meant to complete her. 

Eddie doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything, rubbing his thumb in small circles on Buck’s shoulder. Buck breathes in deeply. “Do you believe that it’s bad luck to tell your soulmate your name before you meet?” He asks. 

Eddie stills. It certainly hasn’t helped him in any way. “I don’t know.” 

“My family thought the whole thing was bullshit,” Buck explains, eyes never leaving Maddie’s sleeping face. “Why make it harder? It didn’t make any sense. And in the beginning, Maddie was _so happy._ ” Buck sighs, dragging a hand over his face. “She was so happy. I was jealous, and angry at my soulmate for holding onto some stupid superstition.”

He turns to Eddie then, gaze tired and distant. “But now I’m not so sure that it’s only a superstition. My parents- didn’t work out, and this is how Maddie has ended up. But I haven’t exactly succeeded either, so maybe the only curse is in the Buckley family name.” He says, chuckling wryly. 

Eddie tightens his grip on Buck’s shoulder. “The one way to guarantee that is to believe it.” He says strongly. “Do you think that Maddie can never be happy again?”

“I-” Buck splutters. “No, god no.”

Eddie nods. “Exactly. Maddie can overcome this because she is strong.” Then, a beat later, “And so are you.”

His mind is full of things he wants to say, things that will show his heart so clearly on his sleeve. But he doesn’t dare utter them, because Eddie is a coward with these types of things. 

Buck let out a breath of air. “I- Yeah, okay.” He murmurs, “Let’s go.”

They don’t speak again until they’re in the car, yellow light from the streetlamps washing over their faces in a rhythm. “Do you still love your soulmate?” Buck asks quietly, head leaning against the window.

Eddie doesn’t have to pause to think. “I do,” He replies, just as quietly.   
“Do you think she’ll come back for you and Chris?”

Eddie almost flinches. He’s never said that Shannon is his soulmate, but- it makes things easier, for Buck to believe that. Eddie’s ashamed enough of his actions, and he doesn’t want to know how Buck would look at him if he knew. It’s easier this way, and Eddie is a coward. 

“I don’t know.”

* * *

It’s not surprising at all to Eddie that it is Athena who is the first to say something about Buck’s soulmate. 

They’re all gathered on the patio at Bobby and Athena’s house for a family dinner, complete with all the kids and spouses. Maddie and Chim are both out of the hospital, sitting a touch closer than casual.

It’s a jovial scene: lots of food, laughter, conversation bouncing from one end of the room to the next. It reminds Eddie of Sundays with his family; when all his cousins and aunts and uncles would come together for a meal. He smiles. He’s really missed it, since coming to Los Angeles. He loves being with his Abuela and Peppa, but that doesn’t mean he can’t miss his family back in El Paso, too.

“So,” Anetha broaches, raising an eyebrow, passing the bowl of potatoes to Karen. “Is there someone new in your life, Buck?” 

Buck half chokes on his mouthful of roast vegetables. “Uh, no.” He replies, coughing. “No one, actually.”

Maddie perks up. “But what about earthquake girl?”

Like watching a tennis match, all eyes swivel back to Buck. He grimaces. “Ali found her soulmate in New York.” He says, paying extra attention to his plate. “I can’t exactly blame her for breaking things off.”

There’s a thread loose there, and of course Athena tugs on it. “No one else caught your eye, then? Chimney’s always complaining about the amount of numbers girls give you on the job.”

Buck shrugs. “I guess I’m not really-” He breaks off, pushing peas around with his fork. “Looking at the moment.”

Athena’s eyes flick down to Buck’s arm obviously. Buck’s wearing a crewneck, but has his sleeves pushed up in the heat, just enough to see  _ Do not contact through bond.  _ Buck pushes them down quickly, covering up the tattoo. “Because of your soulmate.” Athena states and the room falls into an uncomfortable silence.

Denny’s eyes widen, shifting in his seat. Michael stands up, clearing his throat as he starts to take away plates, Karen immediately jumping up to help. Michael gives May a look and dips his head to the side. May takes the hint and herds the kids inside for a movie. 

“It’s not-” Buck sighs. “No and yes, I just-”

“That soulmate of yours should be dead to you.” Athena cuts in. “You don’t need to do this to yourself-”

“But they’re  _ not dead,  _ I would know, you don’t understand-” Buck breaks off, blanching.

Eddie wishes he had left when Karen and Michael had, but it’s too late now. Athena swallows. “I don’t understand because I don’t have a soulmate, alright.” she says tersely. “But I have been able to forge my  _ own happiness  _ just as well without one.”

Buck pushes his plate away. “What do you want me to say, Athena? That I hate my soulmate? Well  _ I do,  _ okay? But I can’t just let go of the idea they might come back, it’s not that easy-”

“They are  _ not  _ coming back, Buck. Don’t you see that we all love you? We all want you to be happy! One moment you’re sleeping with anything that moves, and the next you’re shutting yourself away, all because you’re  _ still  _ hung up on someone that’s deserted you.” 

Buck flinches, just enough for Eddie to notice. He wants to help, to jump in between Buck and these questions, but he’s frozen. Bobby shifts. “Athena, I think that’s-”

“You are worth more than that, Buck.” Athena says with a sigh, shutting her eyes. “That’s what I mean.”

Eddie can’t help but think of May, who scribbles all over her arms in tiny writing, spending hours talking to her soulmate. He hopes that she hasn’t been listening. 

“I know you’re trying to help,” Buck says eventually. “But I’d rather you didn’t, not with this.” He stands, taking his plate and the gravy boat inside to the kitchen. After a beat, Maddie takes up her own plate and follows. 

Eddie takes a bite of his remaining food because he doesn’t know what else to do. It’s gone slightly cold. 

“Did I go too far?” Athena asks the air. 

Chim hums. Bobby shifts, opens his mouth, hesitates, then says: “You know Buck. You can reason with him all you want, but in the end, he has to come to terms with it himself before he does anything.”

Eddie thinks that’s a very diplomatic answer, and his respect for Bobby only increases. 

“I don’t think you’re wrong, Athena,” Hen says. “But I do understand Buck’s side. When Karen first met, it was like- you grow up with so much anticipation for meeting your soulmate, and when it finally happens it can be… life-changing. It was probably one of the best moments of my life. 

“Sure, Karen and I started our relationship solely because we were soulmates, but we’ve grown and made mistakes and worked on it and we’re something more, now. But Buck is still stuck in that anticipation, and he can’t escape.” She sighs, setting her fork down beside her knife neatly. “I think we can only give him time and space with this.”

“More time and space,” Athena mutters. Suddenly, she turns her gaze on Eddie. “What do you think, Eddie? Is there some rational explanation for why a soldier would go so silent for years without dying?”

Eddie shifts. “I- It’s improbable. Some kind of capture or injury, maybe, but-” He chews the inside of his mouth. “Not for so long.”

Athena nods grimly, then shrugs. “Well, I guess if the son of a bitch does turn up, we’ll have to form a line, won’t we?”

Chim chuckles, picking up his beer bottle and clinking it against Athena’s glass. “Agreed.” 

A pit of dread fills in Eddie’s stomach. He tries to push it down, but it stays.

* * *

“-Stu the dinosaur was very sad because he couldn’t find his younger brother anywhere. He went to the lions, sitting on their rocks, and said: ‘Grr, grrr! Where is my broth-”

“Buck! You can do better dinosaur noises than that!”

“Sorry, buddy.” Buck clears his throat dramatically. “He said: ‘GRRR, GRRR! Where is my brother?’” 

Christopher giggles, kicking his legs under the covers in delight. He’s tucked in neatly, cheeks pink with mirth, his plush dinosaur tucked under an arm. His head is leaning against Buck’s shoulder, eyes on the storybook page. 

Buck continues the story, but Eddie has stopped paying attention to it. He’s too busy watching the way Buck’s eyelashes flutter as he looks from the page to Christopher, checking in that the boy is still enjoying the story. The bedside light bathes them both in warm light and the two of them look perfect beside each other, like a picture you see in magazines. A father and son. 

He doesn’t think there’s anyone he trusts with Christopher more than Buck. His heart aches, in a way he can’t fully describe. In a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

Eddie pushes off from where he’s been leaning against the doorframe and pads silently into the kitchen. There’s a pile of dishes from the dinner Buck had made waiting for him.

He fills the sink, keeping half an ear trained on the bedtime story. He can’t pick out the words, just the higher-pitched delight of Christopher in contrast to Buck’s low narration. 

The wall in his mind, the one that shuts away thoughts of his soulmate, trembles and cracks. If he hadn’t messed up, if he had broken things off with Shannon, if he had waited for his soulmate, would they have ended up like this? Or crashed and burned, like so many?

He thinks of him, the jittery happiness that used to fill his bones whenever he told Eddie a funny incident that had happened at school. The pride when he won a Friday night basketball game. The tentative affection, creeping under Eddie’s skin like starlight. 

But Eddie can’t imagine a life without Christopher. The boy is his whole world. He had made a mistake, but he’d also gained a son who grins like bottled sunlight. Returning from war and finding his feet again had been difficult, but he’d do it a hundred times over for Christopher. 

His soulmate is better off without him, they  _ must  _ be better off without him. 

(If he says it to himself enough times, maybe it’ll come true).

Footsteps tap against the tiled floor. “Out like a light.” Buck reports quietly. Eddie hears the door close softly. 

Eddie chuckles. “One second he’s bouncing off the walls, and the next he’s dead to the world.” He jokes, scrubbing the last pot. “You want a beer?”

“I won’t say no.” Buck replies, and Eddie listens to the fridge door open and shut.

Eddie sets the pan on the drying rack and turns, just in time to take the bottle Buck’s offering him. 

Buck stills, his fingers loosening half a second late. He’s staring down at Eddie’s arm. At the tattoo. 

Eddie usually keeps it covered up, but he’d rolled up his sleeves to wash up. He clears his throat. “Ah, sorry- I didn’t mean to-”

Buck’s already shaking his head. “Nah, don’t worry, I just got caught up in my head for a bit.”

Eddie takes a sip of the beer to give himself time to consider if he should ask or not. “Is this about what Athena said the other day? That was…”

“A shitstorm?” Buck asks wrly.

“I was going to say tense, actually, but- you’re not exactly wrong.” Eddie pauses, drumming his fingers against the bottle. “I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

Buck sighs. “I know why she said it.” He says, leaning against the benchtop. “Even I think I’m stupid for holding on this long, for staying angry at someone who might feel nothing towards me.”

Eddie nods, but doesn’t speak, letting Buck take his time. Moonlight spills through the window over the sink, drawing the frame pattern over Buck’s skin. “But I can’t let go of this feeling, that one day he’s going to turn up and I’ll finally get to know _ why,  _ and I’ll get to say my piece, you know?”

_ Him?  _ That’s new. Buck’s never mentioned that his soulmate is a man, and Eddie has only ever heard him talk about women. 

“I know that Athena thinks I’m still all starry-eyed over true love, or whatever, but that’s- that’s not true.” Buck swallows, looking down at his untouched beer. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought that soulmates were perfect.”

“If that’s the case, then why haven’t you found someone else, like Athena said?” Eddie broaches. “Wouldn’t living in a happy relationship be the best way to get back at your soulmate? I think Athena only said the things she did because she can see- we all can see that you’re hurting, Buck.”

A half laugh tears from Buck’s throat at that. “The worst thing is that you’re probably right. If I really did hate him as much as I want to, I’d be married by now, right? A big fuck you to him, and the universe for thinking we were made for each other.” He shrugs. “But, I just  _ can’t,  _ and I don’t even know why, and it’s only been getting worse lately. I’m confused and hurt even though it happened a long time ago. Everyone thinks I should let go, and I do too, but-”

Eddie draws Buck into a hug. He doesn’t know why, but- It just seems like the right thing to do. Buck is still for a moment, then lets himself sink into it for a few seconds before drawing away. “Thanks.” He says. They’re still standing close, and Eddie can see his cheek dip inwards like he’s biting down on the inside.

“You know, there’s probably therapists for these kinds of things.” Eddie suggests gently. 

Buck drags a hand over his face. “Probably.” He agrees. “But, uh- therapists and I don’t go well.”

There’s something there, another thread like the one Athena had tugged on days ago, but Eddie leaves it alone. Buck probably needed a break from serious conversations. Instead, he shrugs and says: “Well, if you ever see that soulmate of yours you should give him a right hook for me.” He’s only half-joking.

Buck laughs, full-bodied this time. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He promises.

* * *

Later, after Buck has left and he’s gone to bed, Eddie can’t stop thinking about their conversation. He keeps turning it over and over, unable to stop comparing Buck’s situation to his soulmate’s. Did his soulmate hurt so acutely, as Buck did? Eddie has always been so sure that they didn’t need him, that they could move on so easily, but- he didn’t know. 

Telling himself that his soulmate was happier without him was a selfish thing to do. When he did that, it was easier for him to leave. What right did he have to assume what his soulmate felt? 

The realization sends him upright, breathing heavy and quick. He fumbles for the glass of water on his bedside table. The clock reads 1:34 am. 

He can’t stop seeing Buck, his fists clenched, tied to someone that had left him alone, unable to escape. 

Eddie remembers his soulmates’ nerves that had thrummed in his veins when he told him that he was a boy. He remembers that night, that awful unexplained pain that had gripped his heart, and still, Eddie had left his soulmate  _ alone. _

Eddie has tried to make himself believe that he did the right thing but Buck has made him realize just how wrong he really was. 

Fingers shaking, Eddie grabs the closest pen. It’s light blue with green dinosaurs on it. It must be one of Christopher’s. 

_ I’m sorry,  _ he writes, right underneath the tattoo,  _ for all the pain I must have caused you. _

* * *

Eddie walks into the station the next morning and there’s a strange tension choking the air. He hears voices, hushed yet harsh coming from the upstairs space. It’s Hen and Chim, halted halfway to the kitchen. Hen has her arms crossed; Chim is pointing towards Bobby’s office. 

Eddie frowns. What is going on?

He makes his way to the locker room, and opens the door just as Chim spots him. “Eddie! Maybe you should wait-”

Alone, inside the locker room, is Buck, his back to Eddie. He’s shirtless, which is strange. Usually, he changes quickly, before anyone has a chance to see his tattoo. 

The door closes behind him and Bucks turns. His face is drawn, gray under the eyes. The difference between how he had looked last night to now is astounding. “Buck?” He asks, “Has something happened?”

“My- My soulmate, they-” 

As the words fall from Buck’s lips, Eddie’s eyes are drawn to the tattoo on Buck’s arm. He had never seen it fully before, it looks just like his does-

There, in cramped blue ink underneath the tattoo, is writing. With sinking realization, Eddie already knows what it says.

“-they wrote, just out of the blue-” 

Eddie’s heartbeat thuds in his ears. No, no, no, no, no-

“Eddie? What’s-”

A hand grabs his arm. Maybe if he wasn’t so shocked, Eddie would have been able to squirm away. He should have  _ known- _

Buck pulls Eddie’s arm into full light. He had scrubbed at the skin this morning, but not hard enough, leaving behind shadows of the lines like light blue scars. There's a perfect copy on Buck's arm. 

_ I'm sorry for all the pain I must have caused you. _

Eddie looks up at Buck, but Buck’s eyes are glued to his arm. Buck’s jaw tightens.

The door behind them bursts open. “Is-” Chim breaks off, taking in the scene. “Oh, _shit_.”

That’s when everything implodes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is, as they say, really 'bout to get it.   
> What do you think will happen from here? I'm really interested to know your thoughts!  
> One thing that has been important to me with this fic is taking a more practical look at the soulmate au. In my universe, sure you may get paired up with someone, but that doesn't mean instant happiness. Relationships still need a lot of work and effort, and soulmates who fail to do that won't work out. It's not instant love. When I write that Maddie and Doug were soulmates I'm not trying to idealize their abusive relationship, I'm trying to convey that a person with a soulmate can still be a terrible asshole like Doug.  
> Another thing that I find interesting is that there are some moments in here that I've left up to you guys as to wether Eddie and Buck's actions are because of their growing feelings for one another or because of the mumbo-jumbo soulmate bond, like when Eddie feels an overwhelming need to check that Buck is okay after the soulmates call. Maybe I'm reading too much into my own alternative universe that will never happen, what do you think?  
> I'm currently hoping for the final chapter to come out around the Buck Begins episode, so stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie makes things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, at the end! Just the anticipation of Buck Begins fuelled me to write this chapter. At the time of posting this, it's only a few hours away of being aired, so good luck Buddie nation <3
> 
> TW: mention of character wanting to throw up in the first scene. Stop reading at "Get Out" and start again at 'Buck is his soulmate because of course he is' to skip.
> 
> Happy reading!

A breeze shifts through the leaves of the sycamore tree in the backyard. There’s an unseasonal bite in the air, one last memory of winter. Eddie sits on the porch steps and marvels at how a life can fall apart so easily. 

Bobby’s taken him off duty for a week. To let things settle down, he had said. To find a solution.

A solution, because Eddie is the problem. He doubts it’ll only be a week. He’ll probably never step foot in the 118 house again and would be lucky to get a transfer. 

For the first time since coming to Los Angeles, he thinks about returning to El Paso. 

Eddie closes his eyes. He sees Buck’s face again, how he’d gone pale, his fingers trembling on Eddie’s arm when he’d realized that Eddie is his soulmate. 

Buck had looked at him like he was a stranger. He had backed away until he stumbled into the lockers, bending in on himself like a crumpled flower. 

_ “Get out.” _

Eddie swallows. He feels sick, just thinking about it. He wants to throw up, to see if he can purge all the evil he has done. He wishes that Buck had punched him, but he hadn’t. Maybe just the thought of his skin touching Eddie’s caused revulsion.

Buck is his soulmate because of course he is. No one is better with Christopher. There is no one Eddie wants to turn to when he’s hurt. No one lights a fire in his chest the way Buck does. How did Eddie not realize that Buck is exactly what he needs until he’s already lost him? 

Eddie has been ashamed of himself before, but never so much as this. Eddie had hated Buck’s soulmate, couldn’t understand how someone could turn their back on a person so intrinsically  _ good.  _ It’s some sick irony that it is himself that Eddie has hated this whole time. 

A car stops on the street, faint radio chatter carrying on the wind. A door opens and shuts, and then there’s knocking on the front door. He doesn’t get up to answer it. If it’s who he thinks it is, she’ll find him. 

The side gate opens and closes. Footsteps approach until a pair of black uniform issue boots arrive into his vision. “When I was four, I took a fridge magnet from a store,” Eddie says aloud. “In case you’re looking for a reason to arrest me.”

“Statute of limitations has expired on that one,” Athena tells him, tone dry. “Don’t tempt me, though.” 

Eddie turns to look up at her. She’s leaning against a post that holds the porch up, arms crossed and still in uniform. “Then why are you here?”

Athena sighs. “I liked you, Eddie. You’re a good firefighter. We all trusted you. You were good for the house, and you were good for Buck.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything. The past tense Athena uses is like ash in his mouth. He must have been kidding himself, thinking he was becoming a part of the family at the 118. 

Athena sighs. “You know, from when I first found out about Buck’s situation, I imagined someone a hell of a lot worse than you. Someone cruel, who I had no trouble hating. Someone that I could hit upside the head right now and not feel bad about it.” She paused, and Eddie met her gaze. “Instead, it turned out to be you. I’m not going to force you to spill your life’s story for me, Eddie, but I can guess enough about what happened.”

Eddie frowns. “Athena, I-”

“Don’t think I’m not angry, Eddie.” She cuts over him. “I’m still furious. You hurt him, and we’ve all been dealing with that for years. I expect you’ll be making up for it for a long time.”

“But I  _ won’t _ be able to make up for it.” 

Athena clicks her tongue. “Do you want to make him happy?” She asks quietly.

His throat goes dry. Could he make Buck happy? It didn’t seem like he had done a fantastic job at that thus far. He thinks of Buck, how he looks when a call goes right, or when they reach the end of a long shift, when he sees Christopher and all the smiles in between. Eddie would give blood and bone to keep Buck smiling, and that should scare him, but it doesn’t.

“I do, but- I don’t think I can.”

“The reason I came here was to decide if you’re a fighter or not,” Athena narrows her eyes. “What do you think you’re achieving, sitting back here feeling sorry for yourself?”

Eddie blinks. “I-”

“You’re not going to get him back like this, Eddie. You have to fight, and grovel, and do everything in your power to make Buck believe that you’re sorry for what you did. You have to make us all believe it, or you might as well leave.”

Eddie drags a hand over his face. “I think it’s too late for apologies, Athena.”

Athena softens at that, just a little. “If I’ve learned one thing in all my years, it’s that it’s never too late for apologies, Eddie.” She says, pushing off the pole. “I’m willing to give you a second chance to make this right. I’m sure Buck will, too. But you have to work for it.”

“I-” Eddie clears his throat, overwhelmed. “I don’t know where to start.”

Athena raises an eyebrow. “I do.” She states, looking meaningfully down at his arm. “That tattoo has tormented Buck for long enough. Get rid of it.”

* * *

Getting his tattoo removed hurts about as much as it did getting it done. It feels right, somehow. Eddie watches, transfixed, as the laser washes over the mark, turning the dark ink ash gray. 

It’s over faster than he thought. The tattoo isn’t particularly big, and the laser makes quick work of it.

After, the technician wraps it and talks him through the aftercare. He books in for a second session, to be sure to get all the ink out. He was going to do this right. 

Eddie climbs back into his car and grabs for the pen in the passenger seat.

_ I really am sorry, _ he writes on his left arm, trying to push all his sincerity through the bond.  _ I know I hurt you, and I might have ruined this. I want to make it all up to you, no matter how long that might take. _

Eddie sits in a concrete parking lot and plans the apology of his life.  _ I’ll do anything. _

He doesn’t get a reply, but Buck doesn’t discourage him either. With a grim smile, Eddie understands that he’s being served a taste of his own medicine.

* * *

“Dad? When is Buck getting here? It’s Friday. We play video games on Fridays.” Christopher looks at Eddie with a heavy frown. “He’s late.”

Eddie’s heart clenches. “Buck isn’t coming tonight, Chris.”

Christopher’s frown only deepens. “Why?”

He has asked Eddie that exact question many times before, but Eddie has never had so much trouble in answering it. He loves that his son thinks he’s a hero and doesn’t want to let that go. But he has to tell his son that he failed him. 

Eddie crosses over to where Christopher is sitting on the couch and pulls his son into his arms. “Buck’s angry at me because I did something wrong.” He explains, “We had an argument, and that’s why he isn’t coming.”

Christopher twists in his embrace, eyes wide and bright. “What did you do, dad?”

He swallows. “I left Buck alone for a long time, buddy,” He says carefully. “And that made him sad.”

Christopher’s face crumbles. “But Buck is the best person in the world.” He protests.

“You’re right, he is.” 

His son pulls away from him at that, betrayal washing over his features. “Does that mean that Buck is mad at me too?” He asks quietly.

“No, of course not, mijo,” Eddie reassures him, trying to reach for his son again. “Buck loves you very much, and no mistake I make will change that.”

“You need to say sorry.” Christopher clenches his fists. “When you do something wrong, you say sorry, and then it’s okay again.”

“I’m trying, Chris,” Eddie tells him. “But I’m going to need a pretty big apology.”

Christopher is silent for a long time. Finally, he wriggles off the couch, fumbling to get his crutches under his weight. “I’m going to bed.”

Eddie stands. “Okay, just let me-”

“No!” Christopher cuts over him. “I want to go alone.”

Eddie’s heart sinks. He sits back down, swallows. “Okay. Do you need anything?”

Christopher looks at him over his shoulder. “Buck.” He says simply, and then he’s gone. 

Eddie sits on the couch for a long time, staring at the muted television flash through commercials without really seeing them. He doesn’t blame Chris for his reaction; if he could storm out on himself, he probably would, too. He needs to make things right. 

After some time, he stands and creeps to his son’s bedroom. The spaceship-shaped night light is on, casting a gentle glow over the room. Buck had given it to Christopher for Christmas. 

He finds Christopher’s red glasses on the floor and carefully picks them up, folding them and placing them on the nightstand. His son is asleep, but only half under the covers, his shoes still on. 

Eddie considers waking him up so they can do the bedtime routine properly, but he knows that Christopher won’t appreciate it. Instead, he slowly undoes Christopher’s laces and slips the shoes off, pulling the sheets up to cover his son properly. There’s still a furrow in his son’s brow like he’s still upset while dreaming.

Eddie leaves and returns to the sitting room, unsure what to do. He thinks about turning on a movie and trying to forget all of this, but that doesn’t feel right. Neither does reaching for a bottle of beer in the fridge. 

His eyes rest on a ballpoint pen lying on a side table. He picks it up with care, the way a person picks up a loaded gun. He had been able to put off giving Buck an explanation because he had been busy with Christopher, but now he’s all out of excuses. 

He sinks down into the couch and lets out a large breath. He closes his eyes, trying to think of where to begin. Finally, he rucks up his basketball shorts and touches the pen to the inside of his knee. It’s an easy enough place to hide if Buck is ashamed and doesn’t want others to see.

He begins to write, feeling the bond flutter open.  _ I have loved you from the first moment your marks appeared on my skin. I couldn’t wait to meet you, Buck.  _ Eddie tries to push as much warm affection through, his heart beating heavy in his chest.  _ I wanted to be in love with you. _

_ When I left school and joined the army, you were still so young, we hadn’t found each other yet, and I was lonely.  _ Eddie swallows. He’s gripping the pen too tightly, the cheap plastic bending slightly under his whitened fingers. _ Shannon made me feel less lonely, but I was still waiting for you. _

_ But then Shannon got pregnant with Chris, and we were married. You still hadn’t graduated high school, and your soulmate was already married with a kid on the way.  _

This is the part Eddie’s the most ashamed of.  _ I knew you deserved better than that. I thought it would be better if we never met because then I’d never have to confront how I had failed you.  _ Eddie’s cheeks feel hot. He doesn’t want to think about it. 

_ I thought you would be happier without me. It wasn’t until I met you that I understood how much damage I caused.  _

_ It was you that made me change, Buck. It’s always been you.  _

Dimly, Eddie realizes that there’s a tear sliding down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe it away.  _ I’m so sorry, Buck. Not having you in my life feels like there’s a hole cut out of the sky. Christopher misses you. It’s video game night.  _

_ When I told him that you weren’t coming because of me, he got angry and stormed out. I’ve failed him so many times.  _

Dimly, Eddie wonders if Buck is reading this or if he’s ignoring him the same way Eddie used to when he was with Shannon. He probably deserves that. He hopes that Buck will get around to reading it before it disappears. 

_ I’m so sorry, Buck.  _

He’s written up his thigh past halfway. He moves the pen down to his ankle, over his Achilles. Eddie summons enough regret for his heart to feel like breaking.  _ I’m sorry. _

Then, to his left wrist, right over his pulse point:  _ I’m sorry. _

He moves from the couch and into the hall, pulling his shirt over his head. He makes it to the bathroom on muscle memory alone. He doesn’t have to turn on the light to make out the haunted look he wears. He lifts the pen to the skin above his heart and carefully writes out three short lines. The angle might be a little awkward, but he does his best, pouring enough love into it to make Buck understand:

_ I love you, _

_ I love you, _

_ I love you. _

* * *

Eddie wakes to curling anticipation, the burn of Buck’s writing over the flesh of his palm. He raises his hand to his face, squinting at the message in the early morning light.

_ Can I see Chris? _

Eddie fumbles for the pen on the nightstand. Buck had written back, for the first time in years. Nothing has ever felt so good.  _ Of course,  _ he replies underneath.  _ Should I drop him off at your apartment? _

Buck said he wanted to see Chris. Eddie didn’t expect himself to be included in that, and he would respect Buck’s boundaries. 

Buck doesn’t take long to respond.  _ Yeah, whenever’s fine. _

_ Give us an hour or so to get sorted.  _ Eddie writes, then stands, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Christopher is easy to wake when he’s told he’s going to see Buck, practically racing through getting dressed and eating breakfast. He still has a good go at giving Eddie the stink eye, but his excitement seems to be winning out.

The whole ride to Buck’s apartment is spent planning all the different things they can do together with the contents of Chris’ backpack. Eddie hopes Buck is up for a day filled with legos, video games, and drawing. 

He guides Christopher up to Buck’s front door and pauses. He’s not sure that he’s ready to face Buck just yet. Anyway, Buck hadn’t asked for him. “Hey Chris, you wanna ring the doorbell?” He asks, voice low.

Christopher grins. “Sure, dad.”

“Okay, on the count of five,” Eddie says, counting down as he backs away to the stairwell. He reaches zero, and Christopher jams the doorbell excitedly. Eddie’s far enough down the stairs that he can only see the bottom corner of the door open, too quickly for Buck to have been sitting down in the living area. 

“Hey, big man! Are you ready for a fun day?”

Eddie smiles to himself, slipping away. He stops in the entryway of the apartment building to write a quick message to Buck.  _ Have as much time as you want, just let me know when I should pick him up. _

_ Okay. _

Later, the shadows are growing longer, and Buck still hasn’t written to Eddie to pick up Christopher. Eddie’s spent the day at the house, cleaning and getting everything in order in a frenzy of nervous energy. All of Christopher’s toys are now neatly arranged in the basket under his bed, the lawn is mowed, and every last bit of laundry is done. He had even pulled apart his entire linen closet and refolded the sheets, stacking them from darkest to lightest.

The doorbell rings and Eddie half trips over his own feet in his rush to answer it. He pulls open the door, and there is Buck, Christopher tucked under one arm.

Buck looks like he’s been suffering sleepless nights. He’s gray under the eyes and his nails are bitten short. He keeps a tight grip on Christopher’s shoulder even as he nudges him forward. 

“Oh, you didn’t have to bring him- I was happy to pick him up.” Eddie stammers awkwardly.

“I wanted to,” Buck replies simply. 

They probably look like a divorced couple volleying their kid back and forth on a court-mandated timetable. That hurts to think about, like they’ve already failed before they could even begin. 

“Well, uh- thanks.” Eddie clears his throat and turns to his son. “Did you have a good day, buddy?”

“The best!” Christopher explains. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen Buck.”

Eddie cocks an eyebrow. “You saw him four days ago, mijo.”

“That  _ is _ ages!”

Eddie laughs, his gaze reflexively rising to gauge Buck’s reaction. Buck is looking back at him, but there’s a faraway look in his eyes. He seems to snap back to himself, a small smile creeping onto his face. The late afternoon light catches in his hair, and Buck’s eyes look so blue, and Eddie  _ yearns. _

“It was a good day,” Buck confirms. He shifts, looking around like he’s never seen Eddie’s house before. “I- I don’t know how to do this, Eddie.”

Eddie swallows down all the things he reflexively wants to say. No, he doesn’t know how to do this either. He’s scared that he doesn’t remember how to be soulmates anymore. He doesn’t know if he can bare himself the way he knows he needs to, to make this right. “How about you come for dinner tomorrow, and we figure it out together?” He says instead. “I’ll make us something.”

Christopher snorts. “But Dad, you can’t  _ cook.  _ Abuela says-”

“I’ll figure it out.” Eddie cuts in, his cheeks flaming. 

Buck’s smile widens, and Eddie doesn’t care about his embarrassment at all. “I-” Buck clears his throat. “Yeah, okay. Tomorrow.”

It’s enough of a promise to bloom just a little bit of hope in Eddie’s chest.

* * *

The next morning, with a heavy heart, Eddie knows what he has to do. 

He drops Christopher off with Pepa and drives to Athena and Bobby’s house. He has to go now, before he can second-guess himself out of the decision. 

He pulls up in front of the beautiful house and takes a moment to calm himself. What was he going to say? Hey, Bobby, you know how I abandoned that man you think of like a son? Want to help me make it up to him? 

He cringes. He’s going to need something better than that. 

He forces himself from the car, walking up to the doorway. He takes in a deep breath, then raises his hand to the doorbell. He pauses, fighting down the traitorous part of his brain that is screaming at him that Bobby will turn him away. 

He knocks, and the door flies open immediately. “You took a long time to get out of your car,” Harry says, matter of fact, all too similar to his mother. “Bobby! Eddie’s here!” He yells over his shoulder.

“I, uh-” Eddie stammers, not sure what to say. 

And then Bobby’s there, looking up at Eddie from the bottom of the stairs. There’s an unreadable expression on his face. “Thanks, Harry. How about you get started on your science project?” 

Harry shrugs. “Okay. See you later, Eddie.” He scampers away to his bedroom. 

It’s just him and Bobby now. Eddie swallows, but his throat is dry. What should he open with? What can he say that won’t make Bobby want to kick him out? Should he-

“Look Eddie, we agreed that we would discuss your career future on Thursday, at the station,” Bobby says, wearily climbing the stairs up to him. “It’s not often that my day off comes on a Sunday, and I was hoping to spend it with the kids-”

“I didn’t come about work.” Eddie cuts in, then winces internally that he interrupted his captain. “I want you to teach me how to cook something edible. For Buck.” He finishes quietly.

Bobby’s eyebrows rise. “For Buck?” He asks. “Does he know that you’re going to do this?”

“He does,” Eddie confirms. “And- I’ve messed up a lot, Bobby. You know that. What I did was wrong, and I know now that I caused Buck a lot of unnecessary pain. I want to start doing things  _ right,  _ and I’m going to start now, even if it’s just dinner.”

Eddie realizes that this might be the most honest he’s ever been with Bobby. An important lesson he learned in the Army was how to moderate his emotions and wrestle them under his control. Being this vulnerable in front of authority was uncomfortable. 

Bobby is looking at him like Eddie is a problem he’s trying to unravel. “You could have watched videos online,” He points out. “Or gone to one of the others, they’re good at cooking. Hell, there’s even cooking courses in the city.”

_ So why did you come here  _ is the real question, Eddie understands. “I also- This is another step in making things right. You’re an important person in Buck’s life, Bobby. I can’t earn Buck’s forgiveness if I don’t earn yours.”

Bobby looks almost surprised at that. Eddie watches his jaw clench, then relax. After a beat, he turns and walks back down the stairs. 

Eddie’s heart drops. He hadn’t even been able to plead for five minutes.

Bobby stops halfway down and looks at him over his shoulder. “Buck’s a sucker for carbonara,” He says. “And it shouldn’t be too easy to mess up.”

Eddie’s eyes widen. “Does that mean-”

“It means that I’m going to think about it.” 

Once they’re in the kitchen, Bobby introduces him to each ingredient with the ease of a man well practiced. There’s two types of cheese, although Eddie doesn’t know why, parmesan and something else that he’ll have to spy the name of from the wrapper. Spaghetti, garlic, butter, cream, and even some pancetta that Bobby just has lying around, apparently.

Bobby is patient as he walks Eddie through the recipe, like one is when they hold a toddler’s hand to walk across a street. Eddie watches in rapt attention, trying to burn each and every step onto the inside of his eyelids. 

Time slips by like water, and they’re finished before he even realizes it. Bobby expertly loops a swirl of the pasta around a fork and holds it out for Eddie to try, wordlessly. He places it inside his mouth and-  _ god,  _ that’s good.

Bobby must read his face easily because he chuckles. “Buck looked just like that when he tried it for the first time, too.”

“It didn’t even take too long, how-”

Bobby breaks him off with another chuckle. “Then my first cooking lesson to you, Eddie, is that sometimes messing around with something for too long actually makes it worse.”

Eddie blinks. “You said- your  _ first  _ cooking lesson?”

Bobby cocks an eyebrow. “Well, you can’t expect Buck to make all the meals, can you?”

“What? No, I-” Eddie splutters. “I just didn’t think that you’d want to do this again.”

The lines around Bobby’s eyes soften. “Before, I wasn’t thinking about the things you already have done, Eddie. I was worried about what you’d do from now on that it’s all come out. The scenario in which I’d be angry at you would only be if you made no effort to make things right. You’ve proven today that’s not the case.”

“It shouldn’t be this easy.” The protest slips out of his mouth before he can stop himself. “You  _ should  _ be angry-”

“I spent too long not believing in second chances,” Bobby cuts over him. “Mostly because I didn’t think I deserved one. This isn’t about you needing to go through an equal amount of pain that Buck did; it’s about you taking this second chance and making him happy.”

Eddie blinks. “I- thank you, Bobby.”

Unexpectedly, Bobby pulls him in for a hug. “You’ve come here and said a lot about how important Buck is to me. But he’s not the only one in the team, Eddie. You’re a part of this family too. I don’t just want Buck to be happy; I want you to be happy, too.” He moves away, gripping Eddie’s shoulder’s firmly as he looks him in the eyes. “Now, when you get to the supermarket and wonder what brand of pancetta to get,  _ always  _ choose the most expensive one.”

* * *

Eddie watches Buck like a hawk as he wraps spaghetti around his fork. He’s sure that he followed all of Bobby’s instructions. He got the most expensive pancetta. He even chose European butter to be more authentic. 

Buck raises the fork to his lips and slips the bundle of pasta into his mouth. His eyes widen. Chewing furiously, lifting a napkin to cover his mouth, he says, “Holy shit. This tastes just like-”

“How Bobby makes it?” Eddie finishes for him, a relieved smile creeping over his face.

Buck gulps down the rest of his full mouth. “Yeah, actually. How did you know?”

Eddie takes a moment to gather some spaghetti for himself. “He taught me how to make it this morning, but not until after I begged him to.”

Buck winces. “Did he- I hope he didn’t say anything too bad.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, he was pretty good about it, all things considered.” He looks down at the table. “He told me some things that have really helped.”

“Oh- that’s good.” Buck nods and pays a lot of attention to his plate. “You’ve done a good job with the uh, carbonara.”

A few moments of silence slip into a few minutes. Eddie doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know where to start. 

Buck looks better than he did yesterday. There’s more of a flush in his cheeks, contrasting well with his white shirt. It’s a button-down, just a touch more formal than they usually are. 

The sun is going down, and Eddie can see dust swirling around in the light streaming through the kitchen window. Buck’s sitting all the way on the other side of the table. Usually, they would sit side-by-side, sharing photos on their phones and bumping shoulders.

There’s a spot of sauce just under the corner of Buck’s lips. Before, Eddie would have wiped it off for him because Buck is hopeless at responding to directions as to where a mark is on his face. Now, he’s too far away, and Eddie doesn’t think he’d be allowed to do something like that. 

He still thinks Buck is beautiful, though. He thinks he probably always will.

Buck clears his throat. “You could’ve told me. That Shannon was pregnant. It would’ve hurt, but it still would have been better.”

Eddie swallows. When he speaks, his voice is small and hoarse. “And that I was marrying her, too?”

“That would have broken my heart,” Buck confirms, resting his hands on the table with a heavy thud. “But it still would have been better. Anything would have been better.”

_ Anything.  _ Eddie really had chosen the worst possible path to take. “I'm sorry.”

“I know, but-” Buck sighs, catching Eddie’s gaze and pinning him there. “Do you wish that we were never soulmates, to begin with? Wouldn’t that have made it easier?”

“Yes, I did,” Eddie replies quietly, his throat feeling dry. “But not to make it easier for me. I used to wish we weren’t soulmates so that someone else would be your soulmate. Someone that deserved you.”

“Used to? Not now?”

“Not now.” Eddie agrees. “Not now that I’ve met you, and fallen in love with you without knowing that you’re my soulmate.”

Buck looks a little stunned at that, and Eddie forges on. “When I realized we were soulmates, it was a shock, but it wasn’t surprising.” He swallows. “Because every time you walk into a room I feel better. You love Christopher like he’s your son, and he loves you just as much. You are strong, and brave, and you care  _ so much _ about everybody. How could I not fall in love with you, Buck?”

He bites down on the inside of his cheek. “So maybe it’s a little selfish of me, but I don’t wish that you were soulmates with someone else. Not if I can have you. Not if you’ll let me love you.”

Buck laughs, but it’s not a happy laugh. It’s quiet, half ripped from his throat and sodden with tears unshed.

“No one has ever loved me enough to stay.”

Buck’s words are like a punch to the gut. Here it is, the center of Buck’s cyclical trauma. 

“I do,” Eddie responds immediately. “More than-”

“Do you?” Buck interjects quietly, eyes fixed on his hands where they rest in his lap. “Or are you just saying that so that I’ll feel better?”

The dust stops swirling in the afternoon light. He can’t hear any cars passing outside. Eddie doesn’t dare breathe. 

The table between them is too large to be having this conversation. Eddie stands, his chair skittering behind him, and makes his way to Buck’s side. Buck’s still looking down, so Eddie kneels on the kitchen floor and takes Buck’s hands into his own. The linoleum beneath him is cool, but Buck’s hands are colder.

“I will,” Eddie amended. “I  _ will _ stay with you, Buck, for as long as you’ll have me. And I will work to prove it to you every day until there comes a morning when you believe me.”

Buck shivers. “And if that never happens?”

“Then I’ll just have to remind you that I love you, Evan, for every single day of the rest of my life.”

“I want to believe that,” Buck whispers, his eyes finally flicking up to Eddie’s face. “It still hurts, Eddie. But at least I know why you left, before.”

Buck’s eyes glimmer, and he shifts his hands so now he’s holding Eddie back. “You’re right, I do love Christopher. I could never wish that this whole thing never happened because that would mean wishing for a world where he’s not here.” Now the tears spill over, and the sight sends Eddie’s eyes prickling, too. “I know I should still be angry and upset at you for disappearing for all those years, but- I’m just so tired of being miserable, Eddie. I want to be happy. I want  _ us  _ to be happy.”

Eddie smiles even as his tears finally make tracks down his cheeks, too. Buck untangles a hand and brings it up to Eddie’s cheek, softly wiping away the tears there. He leans down, bringing his face closer to Eddie’s. “I want to start forgiving you.” He whispers.

Then he closes the gap, and finally, finally, their lips meet. 

Eddie’s heart is pounding. This doesn’t feel real. How could Buck forgive him so easily? But- he’s always known that Buck has a heart that is too big for his brain. 

Eddie leans up into the kiss. Buck’s lips are soft and taste like salt. It’s sweet, with just a touch of desperation. Eddie feels like he’s been lit alight in a way he’s never felt before. There is no doubt that Buck is his soulmate.

He lifts a hand to cup the back of Buck’s neck, his thumb pressing lightly over Buck’s pulse point. He’s glad to find that Buck’s heart is racing, too.

It’s perfect.

* * *

**\+ three months**

“You know,” Maddie chirps, hooking her elbow in Eddie’s. “That if you ever hurt my baby brother again, I’ll make you regret it, soulmates or no.”

Eddie blanches. “I believe you.”

“Good.” She turns the two of them, so they’re looking over Bobby and Athena’s backyard. He follows her gaze and finds Buck dutifully tossing around a volleyball with the kids. Just now, he catches it, holding it out with one hand to Christopher, the other hand coming around to support the boy’s back. Christopher hits the ball with an off-kilter half punch that Eddie is sure isn’t regulation. The ball ricochets off the trunk of a nearby tree, hitting Chimney squarely in the back of the head. All the kids and Buck erupt into laughter, wheezing and staggering to the ground as Chim whirls on them and playfully demands to know who hit the ball. 

“But I also wanted to say that I’m grateful.” Maddie continues, a smile on her face as she watches the event unfold. “Buck is happier than I’ve ever seen him, so I’ll forgive you for what you did.”

Eddie swallows. “I- Thank you.”

“I know that you already have sisters, but- I hope you won’t mind having one more.” Maddie says, her eyes turning to look at him.

He smiles back at her. “I would love to call you my sister.”

Maddie gives his arm one last squeeze and slips into the kitchen where Bobby is currently making a considerable racket-

Cold lips press to the side of his neck. Eddie squirms, ticklish, but doesn’t push away the pair of hands that circle his waist. “I thought you would need a rescue.” Buck murmurs in his ear. 

“I thought so too for a while there,” Eddie jokes. “But it actually went really well.”

“I’m glad,” Buck says, a thumb slipping under the hem of Eddie’s shirt, stroking over the warm skin there. 

Eddie turns to reply, but he’s interrupted by Chim and Hen complaining loudly:

“The thing is,” Chim is saying, gesturing wildly around him, beer in hand, “is that at least when we’re at the station, they  _ know  _ that they shouldn’t be all up in their PDA like this.”

“I’m gonna hurl.” Hen agrees. “Karen and I are  _ not  _ like that.”

Karen tuts at her. “We’ve been married for years, Hen.”

“Well, it’s  _ my  _ house, and  _ my  _ birthday-” Athena calls from behind them, voice loud and authoritative. The speed at which Buck’s hands disappear from his waist is comical. “-and I say let them be happy..”

Buck cheers, and he’s instantly back in Eddie’s personal space again, rubbing his nose over the notches in Eddie’s spine.

Eddie can’t help but grin, taking one of Buck’s hands in his own. He knows that the heel of Buck’s palm reads  _ Good morning, I love you,  _ because he wrote it there when he woke up. Eddie places a loud, wet kiss to the palm. This earns a collective groan from his teammates and the kids. 

“Alright, alright,” Bobby calls out at them, and Eddie doesn’t miss the small smile on his face. “This food isn’t going to eat itself.”

It’s been a long time since Eddie has felt happiness like this. It feels like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Eddie saved some carbonara for Christopher to prove that he can cook, no matter what Abuela says. 
> 
> And that's the end! But don't miss that I've made this work a part of a series, as I can see myself writing some more scenes in this au, like Buck's pov as he is getting closer to Eddie, his day of fun with Christopher, and more of the firefam's reaction!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! This was my first try at a soulmate au so I'd like to know how it came across!

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the introduction chapter done! The next chapter will be set from Eddie's beginning at the 118, so we'll finally get to see Buck and the rest of the firefam!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! What do you think will happen? How will Buck find out that Eddie is his soulmate?


End file.
